ORGANIZATION PROFILE: SHARE - Pregnancy and Loss Support, Inc.

MISSION:

"The mission of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth or in the first few months of life.

The primary purpose is to provide support toward positive resolution of grief experienced at the time of, or following the death of a baby. This support encompasses emotional, physical, spiritual, and social healing, as well as sustaining the family unit.

The secondary purpose of Share is to provide information, education, and resources on the needs and rights of bereaved parents and siblings. The objective is to aid those in the community, including family, friends, employers, members of the congregation, caregivers, and others in their supportive role."

HISTORY

"In the fall of 1977, Share began at St. John’s Hospital in Springfield, Illinois by Sister Jane Marie Lamb, OSF, and several hospital staffers due to the lack of resources experienced by one bereaved young family. Within four months, the first support group met. Over the past thirty years Share has grown to become an international organization with nearly 100 chapters.

This global movement has vastly improved the standards of care and rights towards bereaved families experiencing the death of a baby during the pregnancy, at birth or as an infant. Share is recognized as a principal provider for bereavement materials and resources. Also, Share is a leading educator and consultant for caregivers, clergy, funeral directors and the media. The National Share Office is supported primarily by donations, which help cover all the services offered including free resources sent to bereaved families, an annual subscription to Share’s newsletter, and our interactive website with twelve message boards.

In 1992, the National Share Office was moved near the campus of SSM St. Joseph Health Center in St. Charles, Missouri. The administration of SSM St. Joseph Health Center was instrumental in providing Share a wonderful home.

Currently, The National Share Office is run by fourteen Board of Directors with Mandy Murphey, a Fox 2 news anchor, as president. Executive Director, Cathi Lammert leads seven staff members in the Share National Office."

Although Share is an American organization, the resources available on this website are amazing. There are chat rooms, message boards, a link to an informative blog, as well as downloadable and purchasable articles discussing the grief experienced by different members of the family (children, parents, grandparents), memory creation and ways to support a grieving parent.

The Share online catalogue also provides a variety of books, videos and other resources in abundance and include healing journals and remembrance boxes.

Please click here to link to Share's website.

Stillbirths: Providing Support after the Loss of a Child

In a recent conversation with my sister, who is six months pregnant, it came up that her husband's relative had gone through one of life's cruelest experiences: a stillbirth. As I understand it, she was 7 months pregnant. My sister was set to share a baby shower with her. She is a very emotionally intelligent person, as well are many of us, but this is a situation that many people will never encounter. So it begs the question, with the absolute devastation that these parents are feeling, how do you provide support?

NOTE: Please keep in mind that there are other forms of perinatal loss (miscarriage, neonatal death, babies with permanent health anomalies, traumatic birth experience, adoption)

One must first understand the FOUR PHASES OF BEREAVEMENT (adapted from J. William Worden: Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy):

1. Shock and Numbness (first 2 weeks). This phase is characterized by a short attention span, difficult concentration, disbelief, lack of functioning, and denial.

2. Searching / Yearning (2nd week - 4th month). This phase is characterized by anger, guilt, restlessness and resentment primarily. There may be an obsession with getting pregnant again or a preoccupation with the deceased. Physically this phase may see a weight gain or loss, sleeping difficulties, aching arms, weakness and headaches.

3. Disorientation(5th to 9th month). This phase is characterized by a psychological confusion: "I'm Going Crazy" feeling, social withdrawal, forgetfulness, guilt, depression, insomnia, sadness, exhaustion and this overwhelming feeling of failure.

4. Reorganization and Resolution (half a year to 2nd year). Begin to think about the future again with their renewed sense of energy. They are able to smile and laugh again. Eating and sleeping habits are re-established.

Knowing these phases can better equip you with dealing with a grieving person.

Here are just a few things that you CAN SAY / DO:

"I'm sad for you"

"How are you doing with all this?"

"What can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry, I'm here and I want to listen"

Listen, touch, cry, attend the ceremony, remember them on all anniversaries (baby's due date, birthday and death day)

Here are things that your SHOULD NOT SAY:

"You're young, try again"

"You have an angel in heaven"

"Better this happen now, before you knew the baby"

"This happened for the best"

Calling the baby "fetus" or "it"

Here is also a list of resources to assist. Remember it is never too late for expressing your feelings to the family about their loss.

Giving Support After a Stillbirth. (This article is a general overview but very helpful)

Limbo, R.K. and Wheeler, S.R. (1998), When a baby dies: a handbook for healing and helping (2nd edition).

J. William Worden's Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy.

Lost Dream is a Canadian Based organization dedicated to helping the grief-stricken.